Devastated

Devastated..... While the world continues to reel from the unbelievable loss of a sport's legend in an air traffic accident, it became our reality here in our own back yard. The loss of a couple beloved by many......including me. She was a boss, a friend, a celebrant at my wedding, a community activist, and a warrior who brought organization and empathy to the coroner's office.

When I got the news, I cried why them?? They have done everything right! They are servants! They are leaving their mark! Besides her accomplishments, he leaves a legacy of his own as a past fire chief, alderman, interim mayor and local businessman. They are leaving their MARK. Why take them? Had they done enough Lord? Was their life's mission complete?

Tomorrow is never guaranteed. We hear that often. But tonight I'm wondering "am I leaving a mark"? What am I doing that matters? I need to do more.......I need to do better.  I need to find a way to GIVE more, DO more, BE more. If that is your legacy given to us, Cinda and Frank, I'm not sure how we can ever compare. But tonight, I'm thinking I need to try. If tomorrow I were gone, would I have left this world slightly better? Would I have promoted change that makes a difference? Tonight I mourn, tomorrow I begin.

Cinda,
Thanks for the laughs, the love, the twinkle in your eyes, the nicknames "Pegeye" and Pegski",  the "Platsgraff", the mentoring and the friendship. 

RIP friends and thanks for lives well lived.  You will be missed!

Unexpected Emotion

On this eve of July 4th, Independence day, I was independently renewing my ACLS at Memorial Medical Center's MCLI (Center for Learning and Innovation). It struck me that in my 35th year of nursing, I am STILL a student--forever in a learning role. So while my friends, many of whom are already retired, are preparing for the holiday, I spent my days off doing ACLS simulations and taking a test followed by hands on CPR on a computerized mannequin. All this fun followed by 12 hour shifts on the holiday and the day after. I was feeling a litter bitter about this and knocked out the hands on testing in 10 minutes flat. If there is one thing I can do after 28 of those 35 years in the ER, it's compressions and ventilation on the dying. I purposely went to test out in the evening, so that the building would be deserted. I took a minute when I was done to nose around a little bit and around the corner, I came across the mock trauma room, donated by one of the ER physicians I worked with and looked up to. I opened the door to find the room an exact replica of the trauma bay I spent so many hours in. What caught me totally off guard were the tears that surfaced. So much of my identity has been tied to being an ER nurse. I used to say that being an ER nurse was spiritual for me--I felt so alive, needed and heroic although at times we failed miserably. Standing in this mock trauma room, I was flooded with memories. Triumphs, failures, broken bodies and broken families. I remembered the co-workers who became family and without whom these scenarios would have been survivable. I was suddenly aware of how many of those co-workers we have already had to say goodbye to, both due to retirement and even death. Tears?? They can be so unexpected! This aging nurse, with no retirement age in sight, trudges on--forever the student, never to stop learning, forever missing ER--some things change, but inside stay the same.

Because socks without seams are IMPORTANT!

So about a year ago I took the plunge and bought the expensive Bombas socks that are all over my Facebook. (I say "my" Facebook because I think we all see different ads based on what we've browsed or purchased--creepy!) I loathe sock seams that rub my toes.....I mean I really HATE it!! So when they advertised seamless toes AND for every pair you buy, they donate a pair to the needy? Worth a shot, right?? Well, Bombas are THE BOMB! Love, love, love them! So we are about a year into these original 8 pairs of socks and I now have 7 socks with a hole in the heel. They advertise a 100% happiness guarantee, no questions asked. So I wrote them about my holey socks. They asked a few questions and for pictures of the socks and BOOM.......sending me 4 new pair of socks on the house! GREAT customer service in a time when that seems to be non-existent! Try them out!!

Grombre

So…..I’m growing out my gray! There, I posted it so now it is “Facebook official”!! I have colored my hair since 1982. I can’t even calculate the hours spent in the chair or the dollars spent on maintaining my childhood blonde color! The decision comes in part due to the time in money which I no longer wish to invest, but also my skin has become super sensitive as I age and my scalp needs to be DONE! The response has been interesting to say the least! I think I freaked out my older sisters with this decision. Are they threatened if the “baby” of the family appears old, all will know they are OLDER? Lol My super tall son was walking beside me when the wind blew my hair. He almost snapped his neck spinning his head to stare at my gray roots in a double take. He felt bad and stated “I’ve just never noticed before!” But I still catch him sneaking looks. I’m afraid he thinks the walker is next! Lol Co-workers have informed me that “so and so” did it and it aged her 10 years! Then proceeded to talk about my hair choices behind my back, so I’ve been told. Are they speaking to my hair choices or their own insecurities? You do you, friends! Either way, it’s OKAY! My non-demonstrative husband could care less, and for once, I am thankful for his steady, all accepting love. I will be honest and say the grow out is going to be difficult! I have hidden behind great hair (well, I always TRY to have great hair!) most of my life. I didn’t worry quite enough about the rest of my body and I continue to try and improve that. But beyond the difficult 1-2 years for the grow out, I can say that right this moment, this feels so LIBERATING! I turned 55 this year. Up to this year of the “double nickel” as my dad fondly calls it, I have raised 3 amazing children. Two of those have married 2 more amazing humans I get to call family as well. I’m a proud grandma (MiMi) to 2 amazing little girls. My last amazing child graduates high school and will leave the nest this year. I survived divorce and made my ex one of my best friends and he will always be one of my favorite humans. I survived re-marriage to a 37-year-old bachelor that has taken some time to train, but he is almost perfect! 😊 He is “sparkly” which is what I call his gray and I love it! I passionately loved my job as an ER nurse for 30 years before plunging back into school to become a nurse practitioner. In that process, I had to take College Algebra and Statistics when I had not had math since 1980! My point is…….I decided I should be proud of every gray hair on my head! I have earned every damn one of them! It’s time to celebrate that women AGE! And it is OKAY! We are still our authentic, beautiful selves!! I have earned being taken seriously but I am no longer going to take myself quite so seriously! I may blog about it from time to time to keep myself honest and on task, so bear with me friends! Who could imagine there are social media support pages?? It is called “Grombre” on Facebook and Instagram, if anyone else is joining me in this process! Funny side note! When you type “grombre” into your phone, auto-correct tries to change it to “grim reaper” hahaha Maybe I should re-think this…….